The taboo subject of self harming…….

It’s weird sitting here, thinking about writing about this subject, because normally I just try to battle through it and not put it down in words.  I guess that by not writing about it, I don’t have to admit it’s true, even though I know it’s true because it’s something I battle with greatly.  It’s amazing how we try to bury our heads even when we know we can’t……

Self harming is something society teaches us is shameful, it’s to be kept hidden at all costs and the worry about other peoples reactions is always there.  How stupid is that though, when the one thing people who self harm need, is understanding and compassion and yet society teaches us we will never receive it…..

When I say ‘society’, I’m certainly not talking about every member of society because there are many people out there who do offer support and compassion but how do you go about finding those people? When you are feeling so low, how do you risk the chances of getting knocked down even further by someone who doesn’t understand?…..

Another thing I have learnt about self harming is that generally it is seen as something youngsters do but since I am in my forties, I can guarantee that it’s not an age thing!…..

I am fortunate in that I am able to get some help with it at times but at times like this 1.32am, there is no one to rely on but yourself.  Everything in my body is screaming at me to hurt myself and yet fortunately, at the moment, my logical head is able to keep me above water and prevent it from happening but it really is not easy.  Those inner demons inside me are screaming to be let out, to have their way and to let it happen but for tonight at least, I am determined they aren’t going to win……

When you think about it, we all self harm in some way and for different reasons.  Some people don’t let others get close to them because it’s a defense mechanism but in a way this is also self harming because they are preventing themselves from experiencing close relationships.  Other people hurt others which comes back on them in the end so it’s also a way of self harming.  Not every method of self harming is as obvious as cutting or not eating etc…..

I am thankful for my spiritual journey which brings some comfort during times like tonight, I know i can ask for help from the Angels and Guides and I know they will be listening to me.  Tonight, I am not going to let my inner demons win!