Because I am in such a bad way at the moment, my lovely hubby took me out for a few hours this afternoon and it was nice to get out for a bit. We went walking by the docks and I stood looking at the boats thinking how nice it would be to sail away on one…..
that’s when i had an ‘aha’ moment in regards to dissociation because in a way, i did used to ‘sail away’ in my head and others inside would be left to deal with whatever was going on at the time…..
Some time a go, our internal poet wrote the poem below. The poem starts with talking about a girl in a picture. The picture refers to the kind of photographs that shouldn’t be taken of children but that’s as much as i want to say about that. The verses to go with it, talk about being somewhere else….it’s a kind of reference to dissociation and ‘going off somewhere else’ while the unpleasant stuff is going on. This kind of explains a little about the split in personality, as one is left having the photos taken and another one goes off somewhere else in the mind (the coping mechanism). The final verse is about finding that little girl who had to cope with all that….she is still inside somewhere, i don’t yet know who she is
The girl in the picture, is that me?
No, No, I wasn’t there,
I was riding the biggest, whitest horse
you’ve ever seen
Over fields and meadows with grass so
green
We rode for hours
We were so free
The girl in the picture?
No, that wasn’t me
Am I the girl in the photo you have in your
hand?
Don’t be silly, of course not, how could it be?
I was with my friends, I had such a lot
We went shopping and spent every penny
we’d got
Jewellery, make-up, nice clothes that we
saw
We had such fun and bought more and
more
The girl in the picture?
No, that wasn’t me
Am I the girl in the picture that you’re
looking at?
No, I couldn’t be
I was busy that day having fun
Down at the beach, so much to be done
I swam in the soothing, cooling sea
Built sandcastles in the sand
It was so good to be free
The girl in the picture?
No, that wasn’t me
I hope one day that girl can be found
I believe that she hid, underground
Taking with her the shame, the guilt and the
fear
Believing that no one wants to hear
If I ever find her
I’ll hold out my hand
Tell her she’s not alone and together we’ll
stand
I’ll wrap her in the softest, fluffiest cloud from above
And show her the deep warmth of my love
The girl in the picture?
Please don’t let it be me
thereisarainbow 